"Words are free. It's how you use them that may cost you." - Unknown
"It's not what you say but how you say it" is an expression that will likely never lose its significance. Part of the reason for that is that messaging has become increasingly complicated in a world where intent isn't often clear and words aren't necessarily chosen carefully. Sometimes it's because messaging - like a lot of things - has become an all-or-nothing, you're-either-with-me-or-against-me, zero-sum game (I think you know what I'm talking about so I'm just gonna leave this here).
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) recently experienced this first hand with its tweet about violent language involving animals. PETA was asking people to stop using expressions that involve animals in harmful ways. The backlash was intense. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm a huge animal lover and that I chafe (sometimes audibly) if someone talks about "having a dog in the fight" or how many "ways there are to skin a cat" (think about it...gross, right?). But I can see why a message whose intention many would agree with could land so poorly, creating an impact PETA didn't anticipate. And I can see where some, particularly the victims of racial or homophobic slurs themselves and their allies could be genuinely offended by PETA's tweet. And they were.
Language evolves with culture, as it should. Language identifies what's culturally relevant and important and often, as in this case, language doesn't just convey the intended message, it conveys respect, or a lack thereof whether intended or not. Those that don't keep up with it identify themselves as at best cultural dinosaurs or at worst people that genuinely don't care about the feelings of those they offend whether they intend to do so or not.
If PETA had tried something along the lines of "Let's get rid of outdated animal violent expressions" or even something as basic as "Violent language sucks - stop using animal abusive expressions and use these instead" they might not have landed as strongly as some animal advocates would like, but they probably wouldn't have offended as many people as they did. If you think about it, the folks that spoke out against PETA for their tweet already know that language matters and they might have genuinely felt a connection to that part of the message. PETA missed an opportunity to create their message in a way that potential supporters could hear it so instead of harnessing those folks' social media energy, they garnered their twitter ire.
I call reframing messages "the art of saying what no one wants to hear" and while it's not always easy, it's incredibly impactful in getting people to support a message when you need them to...and more importantly it's equally effective at keeping you out of trouble. It's about choosing words carefully with not just your intended message in mind but really thinking through the potential impact before sharing it. Just think about how much more effective your message (personal, professional, political, or whatever) could be if it's framed in a way that gets the audience to believe in, understand, or do whatever it is you want them to believe in, or understand or do? How much better would it be if that message resonated with them so much that they shared your message with others?
Two things here: 1) think about your message - how it will land not only on people that speak and think the way you do but also how it might land on others, intentionally or not; and 2) if you need help with that, let me know - it's what I do.
People hear this from me all the time: there's nothing we can't say as long as we choose our words carefully, make sure our intentions are clear and think through the impact we'll have before we share our message. It's not what we say, it's how we say it and I thought I should remind you of that at the risk of sounding like I'm beating a dead....drum.
And While We're at it, Happy Holidays
I recently tweeted that I wish people "Happy Holidays" this time of year because I genuinely want them to have a Happy Hanukkah, a Merry Christmas or a joyful one of the other 25 holidays and celebrations that occur in December and January.
So if someone wishes me a "Merry Christmas" and I don't celebrate Christmas am I supposed to correct them, or say "Happy Hanukkah" or just smile and say "Merry Christmas" back because it makes them more comfortable? Let's assume that I'll correct them (because I likely will), and let's assume that they care if I have a happy time celebrating what I celebrate (because if they're greeting me I'm guessing they genuinely do) and let's save ourselves and others the awkwardness this year. Let's just say "Happy Holidays" and picture whichever image of whichever holiday we choose to celebrate.
Thank you in advance for considering it and I hope you have very happy holidays!
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